Smile When Your Down
by missloveableskylar
Summary: She goes out of her way to avoid people so she won't get hurt again, so her next best friend won't move away, or in a bigger sense, leave her.


Tori Vega went through hardships in her life with her head held high and a perfect smile on her face. She learned from the best—her Grandma Helen.

When she was born, her parents were always working—much like now—so she and Trina would stay at Helen's house. While Trina was off singing (off-key) and dancing (awkward), Tori was baking and sowing with her grandma. Yeah, she would join Trina sometimes, but she really loved just messing around with Grandma.

But then Grandpa got sick and the trips got less frequent.

-:- -;-

When Tori was eight, she met a girl named Robin. She was eight just like her and had the greenest eyes and reddest hair. She was adventurous, kind and she was Tori's best friend.

They did everything together; they were attached at the hip. Trina would call them Rockin' Robin and Terrific Tori. They would have sleepovers that would last weekends, and knock knock jokes that would end with laughing for hours. Robin meant _everything_ to Tori, so she did the unthinkable.

She took Robin to meet her grandmother.

"Grammy!" Tori yelled. Her mom drove them to spend the day at Grandma's house. "I have someone I want you to meet, Grammy!"

Helen came shuffling out of her bedroom to see sweet little Tori with a nervous redhead next to her. She knelt next to her. "Hi sweetheart, what's your name?"

Red color spread on the little girl's cheeks; she dropped her head and dug her toe into the hardwood floor. "Robin Harlow." She smiled and lifted her head. "What's yours?" She asked. Her smile got really wide, and Helen could see that she had an adorable gap between her front teeth.

"My name, Robin Harlow, is Helen Jacks, formerly Vega." She ruffled Robin's hair turned to Tori. "So, Victoria, what are you and your friend doing here? Where's your mother?"

"Mommy dropped us off here; we get to spend the day with you!" She said excitedly. She giggled and bit her lip.

Helen sighed and frowned. She hated when Lindsey did this. She _always_ scheduled visits without talking or asking permission. "But, sweetie, I have to go visit Grandpa. I'll drop you back over at your house okay? I'm sorry." She smiled sadly and kissed Tori's cheek.

Robin said she thought Grandma was nice, but Tori never took her back there.

-:- -;-

Grandpa passed away the summer after fifth grade.

Her mom got the call and broke down in tears. Her daddy gathered her up in his arms and told Trina and Tori to get ready. She didn't understand what was going on, but she obliged. She didn't ask Trina because she figured if she, herself, didn't understand then Trina didn't, either.

They drove over to her Grammy's house, but Tori didn't want to go inside. Grandpa was her Grandma's _life_; Tori didn't know what she was like without him.

Her Grandma's eyes were dark and hollow. They didn't light up any more like Tori remembered. When she saw Mom she burst out crying and Mom did too. They just sat there holding each other while Daddy and Trina stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Tori slipped out when nobody was watching. She didn't like the atmosphere in the room, the sadness. She'll miss Grandpa, of course, but she was never close with him, not like she is with Grandma.

-:- -;-

The first time her breath ever leaves her is when Robin tells her she's moving to Nebraska.

They're sitting in Robin's room cutting out picture from magazines to make collages when she just blurts it out. Robin freezes, and so does Tori. It all makes _sense_ now! The past few weeks Robin's had jumpy behavior, and she's been quiet a lot lately, so it makes sense. But, that doesn't stop Tori's eyes from pooling with tears and her legs from running out of Robin's room and down the street an all the way to her house.

Robin chases after her, of course, but she's a little pudgy and Tori's lean so she got tired. Tori runs up to her room and shuts the door and cries and cries and just _cries_ until Trina walks in with a plate of Oreo's and warm milk.

She sets the plate down on Tori's bed. It's dark in her room because the day's over and it's 8:30 at night. It's silent for a few moments until, "I heard." is thrown softly into the air.

Tori's eyes widen and she sits up quickly, tears that weren't expecting the jerky movement falling onto her cheeks. "Heard what?" She asks carefully. She already knows what she just wants to hear it out of someone else's mouth so she's sure this whole situation is real.

"I'm sorry," Trina says softly. She pushes the plate of uneaten Oreo's to the side and places the milk on her bedside table. It wasn't the answer Tori was looking for, but it's good enough. She lets out a huge sob and hugs Trina so hard she's afraid she might kill her own sister.

After Tori's sure Trina's nice shirt is ruined and she's cried for over an hour, she crawls under her covers. Trina takes the plate and crawls in next to her. Tori's really exhausted but she and Trina split the Oreo's. Trina tells her how after Tori ran out, Robin called her and said how worried she was. She said Robin told her about how she was moving, even though it was pretty hard to understand her because she was crying. She talks until Tori falls asleep.

-:- -;-

The rest of sixth grade Tori's classified as a loner. And she is, but she seriously doesn't care. She goes out of her way to avoid people so she won't get hurt again, so her next best friend won't move away, or in a bigger sense, _leave her_.

During first recess, she sits behind the bleachers and eats an apple. She reads books or magazines, too. At lunch, she goes to the library just to get away from it all. There are always a few nerds in there-she guesses she's one now-but they don't talk to her. Just point and whisper and wonder what a 'pretty' girl like her was in the same room as them, although sixth grade was her awkward stage.

She doesn't talk to _anyone_ unless she's talked to first. When she does use it, it's hoarse and scratchy from the lack of use. But, normally, no one talks to her. She's Tori Vega, the loner, the weirdo. And Tori wouldn't have it any other way; because she made a promise to herself that she wouldn't have friends anymore.

And she plans to keep it.

-:- -;-

She breaks that promise on the first day of seventh grade.

Her first class is Pre-Algebra. She makes her way across campus, and when she gets there, she stops to observe. The room has all white walls and white floors. There's a messy desk in the far right corner with a woman sitting in a chair. Her grey hair is down to her shoulders and she's very overweight. Tori looks over to the whiteboard and sees the teacher's name—Mrs. Brewer.

"Now that everyone is here, I'll give you your seats." She says with a warm smile.

Tori sighs. The desks are in rows of two, which means that she'll have to sit next to somebody, and since it's the first day of school, they'll no doubt start talking to her. They won't for long, though. Once they realize Tori's a freak that drives people away they'll shut up for the rest of the year.

"Tori Vega over there next to Lea Edwards." She point over to a desk in the middle row, way in the back. In the right desk in a girl about 4'9 in height. She has platinum blonde hair with hot pink and ice blue tips. As Tori sits next to her, she realizes she has hazel eyes, not green like Robin.

"Now, normally I would give you a math worksheet, but since it's first day of school, I'm allowing you to socialize and make new friends, get to it!" Tori sighs again. She was dreading this would happen.

Lea turns in her seat. "Hi, I'm Lea!" She says happily. Tori smiles, but doesn't say anything back. "I like colors, video games, and itty bitty puppy dogs." She sighs happily, looking up at the sky dreamily. "I especially like Dalmatians. Ever since I saw 101 Dalmatians, I fell in freaking love! And," She giggles, "I always thought Pongo was handsome." She blushes and looks down.

By now, Tori is staring at her with wide eyes. This girl, she's special, Tori just knows it. There was something special about Robin and now... Lea. Lea catches her staring and freaks. "Oh, wow, rambling to the first person you meet, really Lea?" She smacks her forehead. "Stupid!"

Tori snaps out of her trance-like state. "Oh-no, hey. It's just you uh, you remind me of someone. Someone I knew, a while ago."

Lea smiles really wide and laughs a sweet laugh. "A good someone, I hope?" She cringes. "Wow, hi clichés meet Lea!"

Tori laughs, too, and it sickens her how foreign it feels.

-:- -;-

Lea and she, much to Tori's pleasant surprise, become much closer than her and Robin. They give each other make overs and do each other's hair and gossip about _everyone_. They do each other's nails and walk to the liquor store to get snacks and have mall trips. It's the most fun she's _ever_ had.

She almost takes her to meet Grandma. _Almost._

But Grandma hasn't gotten any better. Tori's mom says she stays in her room all day, cooped up in her house all day. When Tori visited her, she left after five minutes because her Grandma's eyes were glazed over and she was barely forming words.

So, she refrains from Lea meeting her grandmother, but she does meet her mom, dad and Trina.

Tori convinces herself that's enough.

-:- -;-

The second time her breath leaves her is when her grandmother dies.

She's on her cell, playing Would You Rather over the phone with Lea, before her mother, with fresh tear tracks on her face, walks shakily into her room. She quickly tells Lea she's got to go and her mom breaks the news. Tori screams and screams and doesn't believe it, but she's crying so she does.

They go to her Grandma's house, to get everything out of the house. Tori really _really_ wants to stay in the car or outside or something, but her parents say she has to. She feels like a zombie in a museum, because the house feels so empty. She creeps up the stairs and into her grandmother's room. She lies in the bed and hugs a pillow that her grandmother made herself. Tori swears she won't cry because that would ruin it, and ruin Tori. So she just reminds herself to breath, in and out, in and out, calming breaths.

She keeps the pillow on the couch in the living room. Tori uses it when she's feeling down and Trina or Lea isn't helping.

-:- -;-

Tori loves Hollywood Arts. _Loves_ it. But she can't help but feel like something's _missing._

She knows what, too. Well, it's more like whom_. Lea._ She misses her so much it's unreal. Lea was her best friend, her _sister_, and now they've been dubbed down to mere acquaintances, and it makes Tori want to cry.

And she feels really guilty.

For _half a year_ she avoided humans like they were the plague because, to her, they were. Why? Because Robin left, moved away. And now she left, moved schools, did the same thing to Lea, and it makes her kind of sick.

Though she does have more friends than she's ever had. Like Andre, the sweet guy who can write songs in a snap and can make her laugh at any point. Cat, the bubbly and cute girl who's quickly becoming Tori's new best friend. Robbie, the awkward but loveable boy who carries around a puppet but is irresistibly sweet. Beck, the hot, cool guy who's crazy confident and funny. And then there's Jade (who probably wouldn't like being put last), who's not really Tori's friend but is actually funny.

And really, she's happy. That's all that matters.

-:- -;-

So, in the end, she's Tori Vega, with the long brown hair and the perfect cheekbones (so she hears). She's had two best, _best_ friends, Robin Harlow and Lea Edwards, and is quickly making another, Cat Valentine. She loved her grandma more than anything in the world. She has _the best_ sister in the entire world.

Sometimes her smile is the easiest thing to do, and sometimes it's the hardest.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. **

_Author's note: Didn't really like the ending, I'm not good at them, all my endings suck. Sorry is the story sucks, too, it's my first fanfiction story so please be gentle, haha. :) Review or whatever, if you want to, thanks xxx_


End file.
